Am i crazy(a little long) no need to read just have to finally say it.?

Besides my depersonalization, I feel a need to hurt myself or make myself suffer just to clarify i have a bad childhood, I try to do whatever makes me feel guilty, and i feed on my guilt. I can never sleep at night because an overwelming power of hopelessness, Im sure i wont kill myself even though i constantly have suicidal thoughts, because have been like his for 3 years. I have this weird feeling of wisdom but it makes me feel crazy, i just seem to.. know. i feel a dead yet acheving feeling inside. This is only part of it since i cant explain the rest, i know you may think im lying. BTW im only 12. My parents refuse to help me.